What I Believe

most of the world doesn't really hate us. we're the home of jazz, the blues, rock and roll, cinema, the telephone, television, thx sound, marilyn monroe, the marx brothers, jerry lewis, woody allen, francis ford coppola, bill hicks, george carlin, oingo boingo, the ramones, the donnas, and countless advances in medicine, electronics, and
technology. what they hate are ugly americans. those boneheads that think that we should be thanked for everything that ever happened in the world and who think that the american way of life is the ONLY WAY that all other countries should be run. you know, the kind of morons that believe whatever they see on the news because they're just too dumb to understand that it's just a TV show. the kind of folk who rush out and buy a plastic flag because everybody else does and then throws those same flags away when it's no longer in style to have them. the sort of jerks that really think that people die in wars so they can buy those cheap ass flags that are made in other countries and wave them in the face of guys and gals who don't agree with them, the feeling being that if they have an opinion it must be the only opinion that's important because any REAL american follows orders and never asks questions. you know, assholes.

all i know is this:

1) i used to have money and now i don't.

2) i can spell potato. being a devo fan i am one.

3) ketchup is NOT a vegetable and before reagan all of those crazy people that you see living in the streets were in hospitals.

4) we are at war with some guys that bush's daddy hated and those clowns who blew up those buildings are still free.

5) strangely, gas now costs a freaking fortune. just like it did in the eighties. i don't really know why and i don't really care.

6) you should all rush out and see, 'duck soup', 'wag the dog', 'network', 'starship troopers', 'the president's analyst', and 'josie and the pussycats'. you should see them over and over and over until you really understand them and tell people that won't see them to get bent. any truth you need is buried in pop culture. trust me. i'm a rogue sub-genius doctor/pope.

7) no president really does or says anything. they have advisors and writers and people they have to answer to who helped them get elected in the first place. anyone who thinks differently isn't really thinking.

8) this is my country too. i was born here, i'm fifty years old, and i can have any opinion i want. just like anyone else. if you don't agree with me you can stick it where the sun shines now and then. like if you sleep naked with the window open or bend to tie your shoes at a nudist camp or whatever.

9) if you'd like a much easier life send me rum and vodka. the only reason i took the time to write all of this junk out is because i'm not screaming along with old alice cooper tunes right now. i miss drinking and, like most people who feel gypped i blame those rat bastards in office. whoever the hell they are they never ask me anything...