Wallpaper

alright, let's mambo, kids...

you know, a lot of people are pretty good with photoshop. i know this is true because i'm not bad myself. i'm no god or anything. there's a lot of stuff that i don't know how to do but i pretty much rock at an upper medium level. i've got a book and all but i'm just too lazy to crack the thing open. well, maybe "too busy" is more like it. i've got this huge writer's block so i can't finish my novel, for example. i'm thinking i'll blow off the guilt of that and just write the screenplay first. naw, you're not gonna like it. it'll be a film instead of a movie. besides, nobody really likes "angora" anyway. don't worry. if i get the screenplay finished a lot of you will get an acrobat copy. just be ready to have it sit around on your hard drive for years.

i'm also busy trying to get the hang of cool edit so i can pull the radio show together. truth be told, i'm nine cuts into my first actual cd. i'm sitting around the house one day and it dawns on me, "fuck! i'm a record company! i outta do something about that!"

do you have a burner?

then check this shit out:

YOU'RE A RECORD COMPANY TOO!!!

get some programs, get off your ass, and make a fucking cd! can you make music? what are you waiting for? got a microphone? talk into it! read poetry, make answer machine messages, bitch about that fucking asshole and/or raving psycho bitch that really fucked the shit out of your life. did your parents sell crack so the CIA could afford guns and tanks for some weekend long war that nobody knows about? spill them beans! are you a nasty lil' girl who masturbates a lot? record your voice and send it to me! NOW!!! i'd love to hear all about it! throw in some pictures and some underwear and i'll make you a wallpaper or two.

and

speaking of wallpaper

(see how i did that? i got back on track with a lame (half) joke about underwear. yeah. i write. i can do stuff like that.)

why does every goddamn wallpaper in the world have text on it? i mean, i get some cool ass picture of marilyn monroe and it says "MARILYN MONROE" on it in giant fucking letters! no shit? is that her name? good thing you included that on the wallpaper or i'd have no idea who i'm looking at! thanks, mr. knowledge! what the fucking fuck? it's marilyn monroe for christ's sake! if you don't know what marilyn monroe looks like you shouldn't have her on your desktop!

you know what i love most about warhol's tomato soup cans? the fact that it says "A TOMATO SOUP CAN" across the top in giant fucking white letters. that's art!

ooh!

and "a clockwork orange"? it's one of the most perfect films ever made and you know the best part? it says "A FILM" in huge motherfucking block letters from the start to the end! right over the camera shots! that's why kubrick was a god, kids!

here's a big fucking clue for you guys: a lot of art is knowing when to stop. being able to say, "you know what? i'm not going to make my wallpaper like everybody else's wallpaper. i'm gonna stop with the photoshop before i look like a total fucking moron. i'm gonna get the image just right and then i'm gonna grab a snickers and a nap." that's what art is, breaking stupid rules and kicking ass.

you can apply this to your life too but you prob'ly wont.