My Sister's Brain

My sister wasn’t very smart. It wasn’t her fault or anything she was simply not born with a very active brain. Not to say that she was an idiot, she was just a chick with an average intelligence.

Here’s an example of her brain:

Let’s call her chick “A”, okay? And let’s say she had two friends, chick “B” and chick “C”. When chick A was hanging around with chick B they would they would gossip and talk shit about chick C behind her back and, when chick A was hanging around with chick C they would gossip and talk shit behind chick B’s back. Nothing wrong with this of course. It’s just chick nature. The thing was though, it never occurred to chick A that when chick B and C were alone they were gossiping and talking shit behind chick A’s back. Chick A had no idea that her friends really didn’t think that she was very together or that she had the slightest clue about either herself or the world around her.

Pretty strange, huh?

Strange but true, dear reader. Strange but true.

In fact, this could very well apply to your own life.

Your friends might not think that you are anywhere near as together and wonderful as you think you are. They may think you are a fucking headcase and just as much of a pain in the ass as you think they are but they never tell you to your face simply because they are afraid of being whacked in the skull by flying furniture as you tear the room apart screaming that nobody really loves you and you’ll show them all a thing or two one of these days, goddamit!

Take a tip from me. If you don’t honestly consider the kinds of things that are spoken about you behind your back and realize that you do a lot of really, really stupid things from time to time there’s a pretty good chance that you are a total asshole. Having a positive attitude won’t change this. Keeping up on your daily affirmations won’t change this. Praying to whatever god you believe in and hoping He, She, or It will show you the way and make everything alright won’t change this. You have to look at yourself honestly and decide what to do from there or you will stay a total asshole for the rest of your life.

How do I know this?

That’s easy! Most people I know think I’m a fucking jerk off who should shut the fuck up now and then and get a fucking life.

They also wonder how I let myself get so goddamn fat and how I can spend so much time alone with my face pressed against a TV screen when there is a whole wide world out there and I really should grab for that brass ring and what’s the deal with those T-shirts and Converse shoes anyway? Weird? His motherfuckin’ face should be in the dictionary under the word weird for Christ’s sake! SON OF A BITCH! THAT COCKSUCKER REALLY PISSES ME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF SOMETIMES! NO FUCKING SHIT, MAN! I’M TOTALLY SERIOUS ON THIS SHIT! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT ASSHOLE?

See how easy that was? And, you know what? It doesn’t bother me in the least. Why? Because I feel the exact sort of things about them from time to time.

The fucking dorks.