Scene From An Unwritten Movie

FADE IN:

INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY

DAVE, a rather normal looking guy in his mid twenties, is standing in a aisle trying to decide between two boxes of doughnuts. He talks to himself.

DAVE

Hmmm...these are plain and plain is good. I like plain. Doesn’t get in the way if you have ‘em with chocolate milk. These however are chocolate and chocolate doughnuts are always perfect with regular milk... I’m vexed yet again.

PETE, another rather normal looking guy in his mid twenties, drops a couple of bags into the shopping cart. He and Dave are roommates and close friends.

DAVE

Chips?

PETE

Nothing but. I went for nacho. You cool with that?

DAVE

I can find no fault with my favorite style of crunchy thing. These doughnuts are giving me a headache though.

DAVE

Plain or chocolate? Again?

PETE

The age old question.

DAVE

You have got to get a girlfriend, my man. I’m being serious now.

Dave picks up a box of doughnuts and shows it to Pete as if trying to teach him something very important.

DAVE

Pete? These have sprinkles. Don’t you like sprinkles?

PETE

I love sprinkles.

DAVE

Sprinkles rule.

PETE

It is a known fact that sprinkles are one of the basic cornerstones of capitalism. In some cultures they are considered a way of life.

DAVE

I’ve read that. Sprinkles also fit in perfectly with any beverage you could possibly mention.

PETE

Except for gravy, Dave. Be honest.

DAVE

I’ll need to do some more research on that but for now I’ll take your word for it.

PETE

Thank you. My thanks surround you and follow you whenever and wherever you happen to travel in this crazy world. This is my pledge to you. Don’t take it lightly or I’ll be crushed.

AL, a third rather normal looking guy in his mid twenties, steps up to them. He is also a friend. In fact they all went through school together.

AL

You guys are nuts, you know? It’s never going to work. Not in a million years. Do you hear me? Not in a million years.

A long pause.

DAVE

So... We’re going to go for the sprinkles then?

Pete drops the sprinkled doughnuts into the cart.

PETE

Fuckin’ a.

(for Kevin Smith)