People Who Should Be Shot

Oh, man!

Some people really piss me off.
Like, people who say 'man-aise' for example.
What the fuck is wrong with these assholes?

It's not 'man-aise', it's 'mayonnaise' for cryin' out loud!

It's a French word!
It's prob'ly pronounced 'may-oh-naise-eee' or 'may-oh-naz-ah' or some shit.
That's a big pain in the ass through, so here in America we say 'may-naise'.

People who say 'man-aise' ought to be killed to fucking death!
They should be fucking shot in the kneecaps!

Say you go into a deli and you don't want any of the white creamy stuff.
What do you say?
Do you say, "hold the 'man-oh'."?
No! You sure as fuck don't!
You say, "hold the 'may-oh'."

Why?
Because it's short for 'may-oh-naise'
That's why!

Suppose you don't want any of the yellow stuff.
What do you say then?
"Hold the 'man-stard'."?
No! You don't!
There's no such thing as 'man-stard'!
It's 'mus-tard' and 'may-naise' you dim bulb motherfuckers!
Get a grip and get out of my face or I'll kill you!

Fuck!

These assholes prob'ly drink Coors Light too!
I hate Coors Light!
Coors light?
Gimme a break!
What?
Like a regular Coors is too strong for these people?

"Gee? I like a can of Coors now and then but that aftertaste! Yow!?"

Silver bullet?
How'd you like a silver bullet in your fuckin' chest?

Ball Park franks too!
They plump when you cook 'em?
Big fucking deal!
The ads don't say a goddamn thing about how they taste, man!
All they say is that they plump when you cook 'em.
What does that mean, anyway?
Does that mean that some schmuck at the Ball Park factory beams more hot dog into your hot dog when you heat them up?
I don't fucking think so!
I think that the water in them makes them expand when they get hot!

That's what I fucking think!

And those low fat Oreo's?

Fuck you!

Don't even get me started with those low fat Oreo's!
If you can't handle a fucking regular Oreo now and then, it's time to end your fucking life!
You pussed out, post yuppie motherfuckers!

Fuck fucking you!

You wanna know what's wrong with this country?

Have a Ball Park frank with some 'man-aise' on it, wash it down with a Coors Light, pound a couple of low fat Oreo's, and give me a call.

I'll tell you what's wrong with this fuckin' country...