Some Loose Thoughts

The shortest distance between two points is teleportation.

Don't cry over spilt milk. Unless it's a lot of milk. I mean, like a tanker truck or something.

In the land of the stupid the guy with an average IQ is a god.

I think The Big Bang was named wrong. I mean, how could there be a Big Bang if there was no one around to hear it? Maybe it should be called The Big Flash or, even better The Big Thing since there was no one around to see it either.

If cats had fingers would they flip us off? I know i would.

A penny saved is another stinking penny laying around in an old ash tray, or sock drawer, or whatever.

Violence is entropy plus speed.

I wonder what would happen if Donald Trump yelled, "You're fired!" in a crowded theatre.

If dolphins are so damn smart why don't they have thumbs?

Homer Simpson drinks Duff beer.
Hillary Duff is an actress/singer.
Am I the only one who sees the marketing genius in this?

You only go around once in life. You know, unless you're two faced.

If pork is the other white meat why is ham pink?

Buy the world a coke? No way! I'd like to buy it a shot and a beer and tell it to calm the hell down. The whole world all jacked up on sugar and caffene? Thanks but no thanks, pal. We've got more than enough problems with things as they are.

There is no 'I" in "ART".

I like my women like I like my horror movies. Cheap and funny.

Wearing fake fangs and calling yourself a vampire is exactly as cool as wearing fake ears and calling yourself a vulcan.

I saw a really old movie last night. It was called "The Alamo" and, for the life of me I don't remember anything about it.

I know there is an amazing joke about Shake 'N' Bake but I can't figure out what it is. Sometimes this keeps me awake at night.

Q: How many werewolves does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb and one to eat your face.

Okay.
For the last time:
Headphones go on your head.
Earphones go in your ear.
Are we all straight on that one?
Cool.
Let's move on from there...